Thursday, July 23, 2009
Emotions
I was walking this morning and I started thinking about the emotional reasons of why I am heavy. It is very seldom about just food, in my opinion.
My comfort weight, before Grace, was about 155. I was decently happy there. After having Grace I ballooned up to 175. I had put on 20 pounds in 6 months. Some was from just being pregnant with her but some came on after I had her. I think I was trying to fill the empty hole that she left when she passed. I think I just ate whatever I wanted and however much of it that I wanted.
Being 155 was not exactly "prime target weight" healthy. And I think the reason I carried an extra 25 plus pounds was lack of exercise and good food choices. I sit at my work table a good portion of the day. There was not a lot of exercise happening on a regular basis. I got comfortable at that weight because in my mind it is not skinny but it is not real heavy either. But it IS too heavy for my height and frame and I need to push past that and get to a healthy weight.
So, what do you think your emotional reasons are for being heavier than you want to be?
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When my Mom died (at age 56) a year and a half ago I started eating and stopped moving. It has taken me that long to get things back in control and I am 20lbs heavier. I have a lot more than that to lose....but 20 is a good start.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 22, I was date-raped by a guy that I had met 7 years earlier at a Christian youth retreat. I was a virgin, by my choice. He destroyed me. And although I AM A SURVIVOR, I've never quite been able to figure out how not to be a victim, as well.
ReplyDeleteMy weight gain was 100% as a result of me trying to protect myself. I was a size 8 cutie, who was in so much pain. In my mind, I thought, if I was FAT, no man would ever want to hurt me again. And that's how it started.....
Add to that, 4 pregnancies, breastfeeding said babies 1 year each and 3 miscarriages and losing my mom to breast cancer at age 51 and that's ALOT of emotional baggage/excuses to fall back on.
Fast forward 18 years to 270lbs., high blood pressure, Diabetes and back pain! Not fun.
Time to make some changes!
PS...thanks for sharing what you said, Dana. I know that must have been really hard, being that it's still so fresh!
ReplyDeleteI am reallllly proud of you!
Lori:
ReplyDeleteI am really sorry about your mom. It's so hard, isn't it! I miss my mom every. single. day.
And it's been almost 12 years! I don't think it ever goes away, it just changes.
Thanks for sharing and for talking about reasons for weight. I have just been emotionally eating since my kids were born, and then continue with the excuse that I don't have time. It is so much easier to sit down and eat something instead of dealing with the chaos, or running or biking. I still am lacking in discipline. I love Dana's jewelry and here is a perfect opportunity, but I find so many excuses. I keep waiting for the perfect time.
ReplyDelete((LORI))
ReplyDelete((ROXANN))
((CHRIS))
Hugs to you all.
First of all, big hugs to all of you wonderful strong women for sharing!! God loves you and so do I!
ReplyDeleteAfter a couple of years of therapy, tons of self-help books, and countless episodes of Dr. Phil and Oprah (LOL!!) I can finally honestly associate my emotional overeating with my inability to truly connect with my emotions due to years of sexual abuse as a child. It has been a LONG process, but I am no longer a victim, I am a SURVIVOR and after 2 years I now feel like a survivor and am responsible for where my life takes me. I didn't have control as a child, but I do now! The biggest habit to break is not reaching for that cookie or candy bar when the emotions start peaking, but to ride them out, examine them, and to actually feel them. Which is pretty scary for someone who for 40+ years has kept them buried with food. But you do it, and you survive it and you feel trimuphant because YOU are in control and not the food. It's hard to give up the addition of numbing the emotions with food. I've had a rough 3 weeks emotionally and have been at a standstill on my weight loss after losing 33 lbs, but I'm maintaining, so I'm happy. This is way more info than anyone asked for...sorry. Maybe it can help someone else out there. :)